It's Official: 'Don't throw chickens into Loch Ness'Nessie Ultimate & Official Loch Ness Monster site. It's Official folks: 'Don't throw chickens into Loch Ness'

Kevin CarlyonWe are Nessie's officially original website.

Updated! Nessie The Loch Ness Monster's Officially Original Loch Ness Tour Guide!

Ultimate information about Loch Ness Monster DNA research and theories
Click to see world exclusive Nessie monster photo...

Nessie Loch Ness Monster montage

Quality: This website is certified 100% free
of sad & vain bearded old men!
Quicklink: Live Loch Ness Webcams
Quicklink: Nessie Photo Winner

Greg Perry writes: "just watched program on TV about Loch Ness MMonster & decided to try out the web site - fabulous!"
Elizabeth Kriske writes:
"I think your Loch Ness site is fantastic, and I long to go back to Scotland as my parents were both born there..Keep up the good work"
 Other Sections
High Priest of British White Witches blesses our web cameras!
Loch Ness LiveCam!
OchAye! Search
Nessie's Picture Contact this site

"SAVE Urquhart Castle"
Anti-mediocrity: Quango Busters!
- "A much-needed concept as there's a lot of mediocrity in local quangos!"

Book choices...
The Loch Ness Monster
The Encyclopaedia of the Loch Ness Monster by Paul Harrison
Cryptozoology A to Z
The Encyclopedia of Loch Ness Monsters, Sasquatch, Chupacabras, and other Authentic Mysteries of Nature ,

The Worst-case Scenario Travel Handbook
The Worst-case
Scenario Travel

Encyclopedia of Dinosaurs & prehistoric Animals
The Marshall Illustrated Encyclopedia of Dinosaurs & Prehistoric Animals


Books Enter keywords... logo

   Click on a story for more:
  • Nessie, Loch Ness and the beautiful Scottish Highlands are under pestered by thousands of new and terrible mega-pylon monsters. Health and environment may be savaged. Please read this page and sign Pylon Pressure's e-petition.
  • Fat Boy Slim's Amazing Rock Ness Concert!!!
  • Don't miss our exclusive Loch Ness Internet Exhibition - we think it is the only one worth seeing - and like so many others, it's packed full of very our own bearded-wonder wannabe academics who, needless to say, have no real qualifications!!! Don't believe everything you see at Loch Ness!!!
  • Updated!Exclusive: Secret government plans to hydrogen bomb Loch Ness!
  • Updated!Exclusive: Viking long ship discovered beneath Loch Ness!
  • As featured on the Johnny Vegas show - 18 Stone of Idiot!Loch Ness missing link How could an ancient plesiosaur migrate to Loch Ness after the ice age? We may finally have the answer.
    (As seen on ITV's "The People Show")
  • High Priest attempts to dispel Scottish Play's evil curse
  • Previously: White Witch fights to save Nessie from capture...
  • Coming soon: Bearded hunters track a Monster...New Loch Ness research uncovers UFO evidence...And the forthcoming superb new Underwater Webcam.

  • "Much more than a Website...More than Monstrous...!"
    "Only by laughing at the genuinely absurd can we distinguish the real nutters" - famous Loch Ness researcher (circa 1730)
    - Warning - visitors to this site must have intellect & a sense of humour!

Loch Ness LiveCam! - online in full digital!

Giant Tomato Award Nessie wins the Giant Tomato AwardTNT - 100% Weird!

Pseudo Science - wacky Loch Ness research!Watch out for the launch of our new Loch Ness research website in which we will definitively seek to prove that a plesiosaur lives in our midst and feeds on killer plankton. Over here at Loch Ness we've got worthless pseudo-academic papers coming out of our ears, so we thought, hey it's about time we published them. Loch Ness science - virtual facts & fun!!!

Nessie on the Net! Loch Ness Monster Website -
incorporating The Officially Original Loch Ness Live Cam! (the biggest & best live camera views over Loch Ness)

Loch Ness Monster Sheep Eat Plants!Nessie is NOT DEAD! This website wishes to make it quite clear that, despite recent press reports, we do not believe that Nessie, the Loch Ness Monster, is dead. It has not been scientifically proven that a herd of plesiosaurs does not live in Loch Ness and many people have seen things with their own eyes! Visit Loch Ness and see for yourself

1000 Prize!!! - Nessie Alive and Well - read all about it!

Visiting Loch Ness? Nessie on the Net only suggests the Nessieland Exhibition in Drumnadrochit and the award winning Loch Ness Lodge Hotel (the food was great there when we last tried it - far better than a lot of other stuff around). It's on the Beauly road and it's the cheapest - and we think it's the most pro-Nessie show in town! We suggest you think about going there before you think about visiting anywhere else. It's easy to get there from Inverness...Just drive to Drumnadrochit, past the thing that looks like a worn-out, crash-landed UFO and on up the road sign-posted to Beauly. You can't miss it! "Nessieland". Let's face it, if you go anywhere else you may just end up learning about a load of boring old plankton and mud and who wants that on holiday?
Unless otherwise stated, all material on this website is copyright of Mikko Takala (electronics and computing designer and "implementer" of the "Loch Ness 2000 Exhibition" in Drumnadrochit).

Our "Officially Original Loch Ness Tour Guide" is more than just a tour guide and is almost ready!
 Quick Search


Have you visited Loch Ness? Please tell us about your good and bad experiences here. We might include you in our forthcoming "Officially Original Loch Ness Tour Guide"!

 Nessie's Officially Original Loch Ness Website!
New![Read: The Officially Orginal Loch Ness Monster Blog]

[A renowned Loch Ness researcher answers your questions: Professor Kettle PHd MGhPPk]

[Loch Ness Personalities: short profiles of famous and infamous alike]

New![Latest Cryogenic Theory from our self-acknowledged leading Loch Ness researcher]

[Has Scottish Natural Heritage gone daft? It seems it's got its eye on taking over the Loch Ness Monster. Read all about it. The people who actually believe they have the right to be in charge of Nessie Hunting! hah hah hah!]
[Previous: International hunt for Nessie warned: don't put nets into Loch Ness]

[South African to Run Scotland's Millennium Dome]

[Nessie's Officially Original Loch Ness Tour Guide] - by popular demand we give our view on what's worth a visit and what's not.
[Nessie2000 - GUST Team listens to Nessie!]
[Officially Original Loch Ness Info Point FAQs & research - today's Loch Ness]
[Quango tries to dump 60 cubic metres
of sewage per day
into Loch Ness]

Fan Club News - Nessie Caviar?
[ A well known formally unqualified local naturalist and Nessie hunter and latter day monster myth debunker grows his own ugly wee beastie!

Awards & Press Coverage
[Morning Glory - Channel4]

Not qualified? Wannabee a Loch Ness "academic"?
Don't want to waste time studying for a graduate degree, let alone a full-blown post graduate degree or professorship? That's okay. If it all seems a bit cumbersome - then why not check out our totally free "diploma"?!
There are lots of unqualified "wannabe academics" hanging around Loch Ness so go on and treat yourself! You can join their mediocre ranks and try and feel like a real academic too by filling out our simple free "Fellowship" Diploma form! It's yours to keep, print and cherish! And, like so much "science" around Loch Ness, it's totally worthless!


Nessie - the Monster
[Is Nessie a sturgeon?]
[Or maybe a seal?]
[Win 1000 for your photo!]
[Photos of the monster]
[All about our monster]
[Archive of sightings]
[Recent sightings]

[Loch Ness LiveCam!]
[Loch Ness Today]

Info - Scottish Highlands & Islands
[Up to date Loch Ness Weather info]
[Picturesque village of Drumnadrochit]
[General Information]
[Highland photo gallery]
[Highland Games]
[A Traditional Burns Night]

[Send a Loch Ness postcard]
[Sign our guestbook]

[SAVE Urquhart Castle!]
[SAVE Inverness-Heathrow flights]

[Virtually Drumnadrochit!]
[Official Loch Ness Fan Club]

Recent NEWS stories [Loch Ness Monster March to stop the Pylon Monsters!]

Copyright 2023 Mikko Takala. All rights reserved. Because we receive so many thousands & thousands of requests from prospective visitors for information about where to visit and what to see, we decided to produce this guide. Unlike many tour guides ours will be refreshingly frank and refreshingly honest! Nothing will sway our intrepid top secret inspectors...We'll be telling it like it is, the good and bad. We are very excited about our new guide and we hope you'll like it watch this space!