Eminent Loch Ness researchers have recently discovered stunning new evidence that may help to prove the viability of a modern-day dinosaur. Using advanced cryogenic techniques, Professor Plume Phd of the European Joint Loch Ness Survey and Oceometric Foundation (already world-famous for his cutting-edge research into heat producing sulphur vents beneath Loch Ness) has successfully frozen and thawed a fertilised chicken egg.
Speaking from his high-tech research project base near Loch Ness, the professor was keen to inform the Loch Ness Free Press (LNFP) that he believed it may have been possible for the Loch Ness Monster to survive several million years frozen beneath the former super-continent, Pangea, before it broke up to form Europe, Northern America, Japan and the Falkland Islands (sec.155/1).
Due to this website’s support, LNFP can now bring you this world-exclusive dissertation:
Loch Ness Zooplankton & Cryogenic Distribution and Deployment Equivalence Theory
Professor Plume Phd MgPollkP GHdiY FghTTR (Loch Ness Research Team Leader), Stuart Pott, Professor Kettle (et al):
I may possibly be one of the most qualified and eminent scientists to have studied Loch Ness and it is with great pride that I can now offer up my latest theory for Nessie’s miraculous survival into the twenty-first century.
Before I elaborate, it is important to realise that many so-called Loch Ness researchers and investigators (some of whom it seems are just amateurs with theories or blinkered vision) have tried photographing, scanning with “sonar” (often little more than glorified fish-finders), beating drums (as if Nessie were some kind of demented earth-worm and would think it was raining top-side!) and fishing and dredging or lolling about in home-made submersibles. But I have always taken it for granted that Loch Ness has been home to at least fourteen unique plesiosaurs since the ice age and I believe that a good deal of evidence exists to support this contention.
For example: so many witnesses have seen plesiosaur-like forms both in and around the loch; the Spicer sighting; Spokker-Jackson Nessie Loch Ness Monster sightingthe eerie Spokker-Jackson sighting and the famous Surgeon’s photo all clearly seem to show a plesiosaur-like head and neck. I don’t believe that any of these incredible sightings and reports are fakes and would challenge anyone to prove such a thing. Indeed, taken together the evidence is quite overwhelming and goes a long way to explain the enduring legend of sea-horses, serpents and beasts in Loch Ness. The scientific task for my Loch Ness research project is therefore not to prove that a monster, Nessie, lives unseen in Loch Ness, but rather to establish the mechanism whereby she managed to reach the loch and to survive with her peers 350 million years after the rest of her kind went extinct. This is perhaps the most incredible story of scientific discovery since Darwin.
As I put together my Loch Ness cryogenic distribution theory I soon realised that the main problem would be establishing a credible mechanism whereby dinosaurs could move from their home on ancient Pangea into Loch Ness and survive up to the present day. I believe Cryogenics may well be the answer, for it is easy to see how dinosaur eggs (s.155/3) could have been trapped under the seismically disturbed crust that formed Pangea. Here they would quickly freeze to temperatures well below minus 150 degrees Celsius and, as my new laboratory has demonstrated, survive for up to 350 millon years. It is important to note that I have extracted core samples from the loch’s bottom that yield silicate and mineral samples consistent with a sub-aqua environment that could assist aquatic and semi-aquatic creatures.
Hundreds of millions of years ago Pangea broke up into some of the continents we see today. I am convinced that the frozen dinosaur eggs survived and were carried by the shifting land masses until they reached the area now known as Loch Ness. As the ice age melted away, the ancient but preserved living material within the eggs thawed and hatched into first generation Loch Ness Monsters. This took place approximately 10,000 years ago and their successors have lived in the deep dark loch ever since. They maybe our only direct link to a long-extinct past.
Some researchers have claimed that there is not enough food in Loch Ness to sustain one, let alone a family of monsters. But this seems to exclude evidence that plesiosaurs are vegetarian and would not even feed on Loch Ness zooplankton (tiny creatures, albeit sometimes ravenous and fearsomely carnivorous).
I am delighted that my organisation is now receiving sponsorship and support from many bodies including Loch Ness’ top award-winning website, Nessie on the Net. The web site supports many scientific studies and research projects into the Loch Ness phenomenon and we are honoured to be a part of their incredible endeavour. Anyone wishing to find out about sensible modern-day research at Loch Ness can contact its webmaster.