The Ministry of Defence (MoD) used divers to position four 100 megaton thermonuclear bombs at 3.3 mile (5km) intervals in trenches excavated deep into the rock beneath Loch Ness (some of these caves have since been discovered but this is the first time their origin has been revealed).
"“We have been looking for proof that Nessie is capable of hunting on land ever since some local so-called researchers debunked the idea of a colony of monsters due to lack of food within the loch. Now we have found it."
Fear has broken out in a tiny community by Loch Ness as it became apparent that a number of local people and tourists may have been abducted by alien life forms, infected with mind-destroying spores and returned to the area.
Professor Svenson and Dr. Theo Valdivik announce the discovery of the remains of a Viking long ship at the bottom of Loch Ness. Using their NAVRAD remote bottom probing submarine, the two eminent academics scanned an area of the loch they had carefully selected using their exclusive mathematical formula and a little luck
"...it may have been possible for the Loch Ness Monster to survive several million years frozen beneath the former super-continent, Pangea, before it broke up to form Europe, Northern America, Japan and the Falkland Islands."
David Gumbalson, on holiday from Iceland siad, "I had just put out my lantern and was retiring to my sleeping bag when I heard a loud buzzing and ripping noise. I opened my tent door and was amazed to see a cloud of yellowish midges consuming the leftovers on my barbeque. It was very scary".
Evidence is emerging that bottom-feeding fish are occasionally subject to mutation and may have evolved a radically different species that now lurks in the dark and mysterious depths of Loch Ness.
An inspirational new theory has led scientists working for the Loch Ness Exploration Program to conclude that the asteroid responsible for the death of the dinosaurs crashed into Loch Ness.
The Loch Ness Exploration Project has located an ancient organism called Pfiesteria at 8 different points in the loch.
The bones of an adult male have been preserved for thousands of years in peat bogs located some 300m above Loch Ness.
Hagfish were thought to only live in temperate zones but recent research has found thermal vents beneath the loch.
The EU Volcanic Research Committee has warned that the famous fault-line, known as the Great Glen, may be about to rip apart as a result of a Super Volcano, which has lain dormant for millions of years.
A 500 "room" floating hostel will be moored in Urquhart Bay and blend in with the adjoining Site of Special Scientific Interest (SSSI) by painting the capsule hostel green and putting stylish plastic foliage along the decks.
Sonar scans of the caves have shown over half-blocked with sludge and boulders ranging from about 25 - 225cm in diameter.
"I looked out of my window at about 10 o'clock last night", said local B&B operator Miss. H. McCrichtie (64). "All I could see was a wee dull green glowing thingy about a hundred yards off in the distance. It wobbled a bit and then I heard a loud popping noise."
In a bizarre twist to the recent reports of a radiation belt beneath Loch Ness, swimmers and fishermen are being warned of a new peril. "Super plankton" are believed to have already attacked and killed several trout and at least one seal.
Researchers using nothing more technical than an old oil drum and bits of plastic toilet pipe have cored into the silt beneath the surface of Loch Ness and discovered chemical and radioactive deposits.